just my type

a little off the top

Yesterday morning Max and I were in the kitchen when I made a phone call.  He asked 'Mommy who was that?' and I told him I just made an appointment for Torii to get her hair cut.  I was writing the time down when he asked, 'Does Torii get a sucker?' so I was kind of distracted and told him yes... not really thinking about what I'd just said.  I'm sure he was thinking about the times he's gotten a haircut and if Torii would get the same sort of treat afterwards.

He thought about it really hard for a minute, then looked really confused and said 'Mommy, does Torii have hands?'

Poor Torii, no hands to hold her lollipop. :)

on being a working mom

Today's questions:

From Tara: You ready to come back to work yet? PLEASE?

From Leslie: Would you ever want to be a stay at home mama?

Short answer to both: Yes!

Long answer: Really the only thing I have to compare stay-at-home-mommyhood to are my maternity leaves.  After I had Max, I think I was pretty much ready to go back to work by the end.  Staying home with a newborn all day isn't exactly a thrill a minute, and although I knew I was going to miss my little guy, I was ready to have some adult interaction and ready to do work that for the most part, I enjoy.  So I cried the day I went back, but I knew he was in great hands which helped A LOT.  Eventually we got into our routine, and I would say I was happy with my decision to work about 90% of the time, which is about all I think I could hope for.  I'd go through stages now and then where I would be so sad that I wasn't at home, and then I'd have those days where I'd think I could never stay at home.  Especially around 18 months to about two years... old enough to start having tantrums but couldn't really have a conversation, old enough to want me to play with him but still wanting to do totally monotonous things... I thought that was a hard age and there were even weekend days that seemed VERY long, and it probably didn't help that it was during baseball season and the two of us were home alone a lot.  Of course it goes without saying that I love Max, I don't think I should even have to clarify that, but I think it also goes without saying: parenting is not always easy.  Duh.

This maternity leave has been totally different.  For one, like I've said before, I haven't experienced the baby blues at all this time.  But I think the main reason is that I have Max home with me as well as a new baby, and now at two and a half, he's become someone to hang out with rather than just someone I'm taking care of.  We can have full conversations and do fun stuff together, and it's awesome.  I do only have him home three days a week right now, because he still spends a day with Grandma and one with Mary, but I guess that wouldn't be much different than if he went to preschool during the week.  And with a newborn it's nice to have a little time to get things done around the house or nap if I need to (which, every morning I swear to myself that I'm going to, and then afternoon comes and I never do).  Anyway, for the first time, I feel like I really could stay at home and love THAT 90% of the time.  I think I'm going to be pretty sad when I go back.

But, I am going back to work.  I don't really like to say I HAVE to work, because there are a lot of changes I'm sure we could make if I wanted to stay home: we could move to a smaller house, downgrade our vehicles, shop secondhand, stop eating out, never travel, etc.  But for the lifestyle we choose to lead right now, I do have to work.  And of course it's a lot more than just choosing a lifestyle over staying home.  I like my job, it's mentally stimulating (usually :), I like my coworkers, it gives me time that is just for myself... it just works for me personally to be a working mom. 

However, I would like to stay home eventually.  In some ways I feel like staying home when my kids are older is even more important.  Of course, babies need their parents... but me being there might mean even more to them later on.  I know a lot of people would probably disagree with me on that, but I kind of want to do it differently than how I think most people do it - instead of going back to work when my kids start school, I want to work when my kids are very young and stay home when they're a bit older.  In a perfect world I'd be able to stay home by the time Max started kindergarten, so in about three years.  Who knows if we'll be able to make that happen - and if we'd even want to depends on a lot of factors, one of the biggest being where I'm at in my career - but that would be my ideal situation as I see it right now.  I'd like to be able to be there when they get home from school to help them with homework or talk about their day, to help out in their classrooms if needed, for them to be able to just stay at home all summer, for me to drive them to all their activities.  I think as our kids get involved in more and more things of their own, it would be so much easier if our family had one parent just staying home to manage our HOUSEHOLD - to cook, to clean, to do all of the things that just need to get done.  And I have no doubt that I could still do all that while working full-time - plenty of women do and do a fabulous job.  I just think I'd be a little less crazy. :)  And no, I don't think I'd get bored eventually if I were to stay home with both kids in school (which makes me wonder, would I then be a 'housewife' instead of a 'stay-at-home-mom'?).  I think there would be plenty to do, and I'm not even including America's Next Top Model marathons.  And if I was bored, I could always get a different job... like if I had enough people to hire me, I could always try to make a business out of photographing babies on weekday mornings.  Ugh, I'd totally hate that. :)

What about you... if you work or stay home now, are you planning on switching it up someday, and why?

max's new buddy

Last night Tom and I went out with all the other coaches and their wives to a dinner at Grizzly's... the whole restaurant is closed down right now and they are trying out new menu items, so they invited 'VIPs' to make reservations for dinner... we are not VIPs, but Corey is, so he invited us all. :)  We each got two drinks and dinner, and our table got three appetizers, all for free.  And Tom has been making fun of me ever since because I ordered mac & cheese... but it was good!

Anyway, we left the kids with a REAL babysitter.  Which we have never done before... usually when Tom and I want to go out Max stays with Tom's parents, or maybe mine if they're in town, and I think once or twice Corey and Carrie may have watched him.  A few weeks ago one of Tom's players emailed and said that his girlfriend would love to watch our kids if we ever needed a night out.  She nannies in the summer and is a nursing major so she seemed more than qualified, plus Brian is a great kid so we knew she would be nice (also: he writes songs about her and puts them on YouTube... how CUTE is that?).  So last night was our first trial run with Megan... we were kind of nervous about how Max would react but she came over an hour early to hang out and Max showed her around the house... by the time we left we just gave him hugs and headed out the door and he was totally cool with it.  We speculated on if she'd be able to get them both to bed by the time we got home (which was about 45 minutes past Max's usual bedtime), but figured that since I can barely get them both to bed alone at this point, the odds weren't in her favor.  And sure enough we got home and Max came running to the door... but things seemed to go well and she said that he was good and that yes, she would be willing to come back sometime. :)  And Max said today he had fun playing with her.  Yay!  It's nice to have another option available for when we want a night out.

In other news:

I think Max is getting a cold.  Great.  I'm about due to get sick since Vivi is almost two months old... once I read that when your baby is two months, you get sick because the lack of sleep, etc starts to wear on your immune system or something like that.  And sure enough, I got sick when Max was two months, and a lot of other moms I've talked to did as well.  Weird.

I tried taking a new family picture today, mostly for our living room because our picture is from when Max was one, but thinking we could also use it for a Christmas card if it turned out okay.  Not sure I got a good picture of all of us at once, but maybe I can splice the pictures together in Photoshop so at least we all look somewhat normal. :)

Today is day 10 of the 30 Day Shred and I'm totally trying to weasel my way out of it but I'm not sure Tom will let me... it's good to have him on my case, I guess, but I really just want to finish up Season 2 of Lost and be lazy.

I need to answer the rest of the awesome questions everyone left... only one more week of NaBloPoMo!  Yay!

go ahead, i dare you

Try not to smile!

XOXO,

Vivi :)

two and a half

Max turned two and a half this month and ever since Tom and I have had this email going back and forth between us that is titled 'things about Squirmy at 2.5 that we want to remember.'  Sometimes I forget that he's only two... he's tall, he speaks well and understands pretty much everything... but he can throw a killer tantrum to remind me. :)  Now that we have another baby I find myself wishing I had written down more about what Max did and when, so I'm just going to write everything I can think of in hopes that it will take me back to this time and I'll be able to remember his sweet little voice and that little bit of baby that's left in him right now.

He LOVES construction equipment.  They were working on Mary's road all summer and he got to watch the 'worker guys' on the job.  He knows all the names for everything and corrects us if we're wrong (me: 'Hey Max!  Look at the backhoe!' him (exasperated): 'Mommy, that's a SKID STEER.').  He loves to play with his excavators and bulldozers and all that stuff.  He has finally started to want to watch some TV and his favorite show right now is Bob the Builder.  He grabs his plastic wrench and runs around to all of our doors 'fixing' the doorknobs and says 'Max better fix that, Mommy.  Max is being a hard worker guy.'

He's still really into sports and can play baseball or golf for way longer than anyone else around wants to.  He says 'foul beezy fo sheezy' when he hits a foul ball.  He likes to kick the football and 'go deep'.  He plays hockey in the basement with us and I am rather impressed with his one-timer, although he likes to use the left-handed stick and shoot right-handed, not sure what that's about, maybe because it's blue.

He likes to make chocolate chip cookies with me (we do this about every 2-3 days... we eat a lot of cookies).  He especially likes at the end when i leave a tiny bit of dough on and let him lick the 'heater' (beater).  He likes to go to the grocery store and ride in the car cart that's a total pain to push around.  He also likes going to Target and the 'mountain' (fountain) at the mall. :)

He's so curious and doesn't miss anything.  He's always asking what road we're on, and he's learning to tell whether we're turning right or left.  He likes to repeat the name of the road we're on.  If we tell him we're on 26th Avenue East or something, he'll say 'that's kind of a hard one.'  If Tom and I are having our own conversation and laughing, he'll say 'what is Mommy and Daddy talking about?' or else just join in laughing for the heck of it.  If I do something he doesn't understand, he'll ask me 'what did Mommy just dood?'  I love the 'dood.'  He knows so many brands, obviously marketing pays at a very early age - he recognizes Target, McDonald's, Dairy Queen, etc, when he sees the logo somewhere else (not at the actual place).  If you ask him what's at Subway, he says 'five dollar foot long!' and knows that you can 'save big money at Menards!'  He saw Google on my iPhone and recognized that from our desktop computer.  And of course, he knows the Twins and Saints on anything. :)

He counts to 20 although he says fourteen twice in place of thirteen and fourteen. :)  He's starting to ask us what particular words mean on the pages of his books, pointing to each one.  He's known how to spell his name and recognize it for a long time, but now he's starting to recognize Mommy and Daddy and told me this week he drew a 'V' for Vivi.  Last night I was informed that T is for 'taxi' and I is for 'insects'.

He's been playing hide and seek with Tom in the evenings, usually while I'm feeding Vivi, and it's hilarious.  He comes and counts with me on the couch while Tom hides, and when we get to 20 he goes off to find him... Tom can pretty much hide in plain view and Max will walk right by him five times before he finds him.  Lots of times Tom has to 'peep' so that Max can follow his voice. :)  And then when it's Max's turn to hide he giggles like a maniac the entire time.  Last night Tom was walking around saying loudly 'HMMM, I wonder where Max is?!' and a little voice pipes up 'Max is under the table, Daddy!'  So that needs some work. :)

We've been leaving Vivi with Mary for a few hours on Wednesday mornings and going to swimming at the Y and then to storytime at the library.  He is doing so good at swimming and in just three weeks he's started to try it on his own with the float tied around his chest.  This week he was all 'don't touch Mommy!' every time I tried to support him.  It's so much fun to see him starting to get it.

This past week's tantrums included two very special ones when I was home alone with him, tonight's because my foot was on the couch.  I know, the nerve.  The other one was really incredible... he's been taking SO LONG to eat a meal lately, he just dawdles and plays with his food and it drives me insane.  This one night he had everything down except for two carrot sticks.  He kept shoving them in his mouth, taking them out, etc and he'd been sitting at the counter for an hour and fifteen freaking minutes so finally I grabbed the stupid carrots from him and threw them in the sink (because I knew if I would have thrown them in the trash he would have gone in after them).  Sure enough, he threw one of the biggest fits I've ever seen him throw.  When he finally came back to me (I feel like during his tantrums he's in some other world and I can't reach him :) he asked if we had more carrots and I said those were gone and he said in a very wobbly little voice 'go to the grocery store and buy more Mommy?'  And he was STILL asking me today if those carrots went down the drain.  Cripes.  Also this week I was making Chinese chicken and broccoli for dinner and I had to put my foot down with him on stealing the broccoli off my cutting board because I wasn't going to have enough to make the dang meal.  That goes into the category of things I never expected about parenting: Me NOT letting my kid eat veggies, and him throwing a tantrum over it.

He's doing really good in his new bedroom and full-size bed.  In the morning when he wakes up he says 'Mommy!  Daddy!  Sun is up!' which is always WAY too early but then I'm getting up with his sister anyway.  He gets to pick five books to read at bedtime.  His favorites right now are Where the Wild Things Are, The Wild Little Horse, the Llama Llama books, and Berenstein Bears books.  Then we turn out the light and sing songs - 'Baby Max', which is a tune my mom used to sing to me but using his name, and then Twinkle Twinkle, then Mary had a Little Lamb, then Take Me Out to the Ballgame, and then we finish with the Minnesota Twins song, which he claps along to. :)  And sometimes then he'll sing the ABC song or we'll sing Do-Re-Mi (which he knows every word to).  Then he says 'Mommy lay for a few minutes', so I lay next to him, then go sit on his toy box for a minute or two, then say good night and leave the room.  When I go say good night, I say 'Mommy will come check on you' and he says 'in ten minutes.'  I never go check; he's always asleep. :)

Quite often, he'll look at us out of nowhere and say 'Max loves Mommy and Daddy.'  Mommy and Daddy love you too, Buster.  So much. 

high school: because i only have an hour left

1. Did you date someone from your school? Yes, Jake.  We dated for 4.5 years.
2. What kind of car did you drive? Pontiac Sunfire
3. What was the most embarrassing moment of HS? Hmm... I don't know.  The time I fell in the mud at our homecoming game in front of our entire town?  That was more funny than embarrassing... 
4. Were you a party animal? Not unless you count wild times like renting movies from Amoco, doing puzzles, and dressing up like the Spice Girls.  
5. Were you considered a flirt? I don't think so.
6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Band!  I played the clarinet. :)  Loved it.
7. Were you a nerd? I very likely still am?!
8. Were you on any varsity teams? No.
9. Did you get suspended/expelled? No.
10. Can you still sing the fight song?  Of course!  I was a cheerleader... pretty sure I can still do the moves! :)
11. Who were your favorite teachers?  Mrs. Olson. Mr. Olson. Ms. Lauwagie. Mr. Hansen.     
12. Where did you sit during lunch? In the cafeteria.  With Greg, Tim, Dan, Travis, and Jake (unless Jake and I were fighting :)  I LOVED our food.  Still miss it sometimes.
13. School mascot? The Mariners.
14. Did you go to homecoming, and with who? Yes, dances were the best... I don't think we ever did dates, though.  I'm sure I just went with my boyfriend... or Libby! :)
15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Sure, it was a pretty good time.  I'd rather do college again though, it was a lot less work...
16. What do you remember most about graduation? Mr. Hansen gave the address (he retired that year) and talked about every single one of us.
17. Where did you go senior skip day? I don't think we had that.
18. Were you in any clubs? NHS if that's a club... I think maybe I was in French Club?  Did I make that up?
19. Have you gained some weight since then? Um, yeah.  I seem to remember weighing like 118 lbs and thinking I was big... what?
20. Who was your prom date? Jereme sophomore year... Jake the next two years.
21. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion?  Well, I was!  Didn't quite make it there since Tom ended up in the hospital.
22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? Relax a little bit more and realize that some things don't matter.  Be more confident, don't stress over giving a report on Sri Lanka or something. :)  Also: enjoy being 118 lbs! :)

taking the night off

I took the night off from the 30 Day Shred (we're on day 7) and I'm spending the entire night on the couch.  Just felt tired today and like I needed a break.  So I'm making Christmas lists and eating a pomegranate and watching So You Think You Can Dance.  Last night Tom and I sat in the hot tub (my first time since probably January) and it was so nice... a calm night and we could see so many stars and they all looked like airplanes or something they were twinkling so much.  So we might have to work that in later too. :)

Vivi is seven weeks old today (HOW!?) and has been sleeping pretty well... the night before last she made it to 4am so I was pretty excited about that.  Then of course last night she got up at 230.  But she only ate for ten minutes and then went right back to sleep until 6.  No, I should not be complaining.  It's just that I daydream about having a whole night of uninterrupted sleep... sleeping in until about 10... taking a nice long nap in the afternoon which I never do because I feel like I should be getting something done... all of my daydreams are about how comfy my bed is. :)

Given that, I find this hilarious.  I found it online somewhere when Max was a baby and no one else will probably think it's funny but I had to post it, I think it's so cute.

OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great--I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like it's pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months. Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need to sleep. It's just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to sleep--they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle. It goes like this: 

Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you get fed. I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good.

Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3--every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT'S HARD! But she really does not need the sleep, she is just resisting the change. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it.

Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with.My sleep sack tickled my foot. I felt a wrinkle under the sheet. My mobile made a shadow on the wall. I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn't eaten pears since lunch, what's up with that? The cat said "meow". I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL. Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room. Too hot, too cold, just right--doesn't matter! Keep crying!! It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks.

P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

on having kids

Today's question is from Kyla:

How did you finally decide to start trying to have kids? My husband and I are about at that stage but I am having a hard time commiting...I feel like I am prepared if it just happened but can't seem to get to the point where I am unselfish enough to CHOOSE to get get pregnant :-)

Haaaaa... that was always our thing too.  We were both really selfish with our time, even with each other.  When we first got married we decided to wait about five years.  We wanted to have time alone in our marriage and be able to travel, etc.  Then when we'd been married about two years, we just kind of felt like, why wait?  We had done a lot together, and we were extremely happy, and it didn't feel like there was anything else we really needed to wait for.  Max was born a couple months before our third anniversary, and now we've been married five years and with two kids are a little bit ahead of where I thought we'd be at this point. :)

Here is just what I think... having kids changes everyone, but changes some people A LOT.  Others, not so much.  I feel like Tom and I are really very similar to the people we were before.  We have interests and hobbies of our own and still see a lot of our friends, those with and without kids of their own.  We go on dates and travel both alone and together.  It's important for us to put each other first because we believe that makes a strong marriage and in turn a strong family, and it's important for us to still do things we enjoy just for ourselves because happy parents = happy children.  Sure, things definitely change and you have a lot less time to spend on yourself, and it takes a lot more effort to be able to do certain things.  And some things you'll find just aren't as important anymore and you don't miss them as much as you thought you might, because you'd rather be spending the time with your kids anyway.  So.  I guess to answer your question, we just decided that it felt right, and from one admittedly 'selfish' person to another, of course your life will change but you don't have to become an entirely different person if you don't want to.  You don't have to lose yourself when you become a parent.  And to offer some further advice, if you feel like you're 90% ready you should just go for it, because no one can ever really be prepared.  And being a mom is the greatest. :)

on how we met

Question today from Stacy:

how did you and tom meet?  i am thinking college but not sure. 

This is timely because a few days ago was nine years to the DAY that I met him.  It was November 13th, 2000.  I know this because the Broncos were playing the Raiders on a Monday, and you can Google that kind of thing years later to find out the date. :)  I'm kind of surprised I didn't meet him before that night.  I was a sophomore, he was a junior and we went to a REALLY small college.  I'd hung out with a couple of his friends since I was a freshman.  And, there was a ratio of seven girls to every guy at our school.  We NOTICED the guys.  I'm fairly positive that at any given moment during our freshman year, my roommates could tell you the exact coordinates of any hockey player on campus.

Anyway, so I was sitting in my on-campus apartment, watching Monday Night Football with my then-boyfriend when he decided to run back to his room in the dorms to grab something.  I was by the window and I saw my friend Gabe walking by with another guy.  Gabe saw me and decided to stop in.  They walked in my living room and I looked at Tom and I swear, I know it sounds cheesy and like I'm making it up after the fact and it didn't really happen this way... but it did: I KNEW.  I'm not saying I knew I'd marry him exactly, but I just knew there was going to be much more to the story.  

Over Christmas break there weren't very many people on campus, so I called him up (sooo not like me) and asked if he wanted to hang out.  I still had a boyfriend, and he either had a girlfriend or was just about to get back together with her... so... just as friends.  We stayed up for hours talking, it was one of those times where you just click with someone.

And after that there WAS much more to the story.  Me breaking up with my boyfriend.  Him breaking up with his girlfriend.  Us spending hours chatting over IM and doing our homework together (despite never having a class together).  Me going to watch his baseball playoffs and staying up all night with him when we got back, talking about how he was sad he'd be a senior the next year.  Me visiting him during the summer after my sophomore year, us coming back for my junior and his senior year and knowing we liked each other and admitting it to each other but thinking we could just be friends because we didn't want to date anyone.  Us both dating freshmen like three weeks later.  Us still pretending not to like each other and doing a VERY bad job.  Tom moping around because his freshman was not speaking to him because of  me.  Me meeting Tom's freshman in the parking lot and convincing her to take him back (?!) because if that's what he wanted (?!) then I wanted him to be happy.  Tom not speaking to me for a month or two.  Tom throwing a grill at the outside of his apartment once when he was mad at me (highlight!).  Us making up and being friends again.  Me dating a random snowboarder dude that Tom made fun of constantly.  Me dating the third baseman on the baseball team (Tom was the shortstop).  Us always still hanging out, eating together, studying... pretty much becoming best friends.  Me finally giving up dating anyone else because I knew I was supposed to be with Tom.  Me finally convincing Tom to break up with his freshman on the way home from us going on a road trip together.  Me going to Florida for Tom's last spring trip with the baseball team.  Me trying to ditch the third baseman who still wanted to hang out with me.  Tom finally knowing we should be together.  Me meeting my future in-laws for the first time on a trip to a spring training game where they sat in the front of the car and Tom, the third baseman and I sat in the back of the car together (because Tom asked me to go and then INVITED HIM ALONG - that could be an entire post in itself).  Tom deciding that he was finally ready to actually date me.  Me deciding he'd have to work pretty hard because I was pretty much over it.  Us going on our first date.  Us kissing on the porch BEFORE we left for our first date.  Us deciding we were officially a couple in Jamestown, North Dakota, during Tom's senior year regional tournament.  Tom then telling me he'd ask me to marry him in a year.  Tom asking me to marry him a year later.  Us getting married a year after that.

And THAT is our story.  I knew all along. :)

not in the mood for a real post

My husband is back to blogging after taking a few months off.  He posted some questions for readers today, and here's one of them:

2). If your wife was a photographer, and she had a passion for it, greatly enjoyed taking pictures, and it was her most beloved hobby, yet you thought her pictures really sucked, would you tell her, or just keep your thoughts to yourself?

So, what do you think? :)